As you all know, I was placed with Alida
to share the next two years of my Peace Corps life in Harichaur, Balglung. Even
though we were placed in different villages, we essentially acted as a team.
Unfortunately, our adventure in Nepal has come to an end due to the fact that
Alida has decided to return to the states. Before anything, I would like to say
that I fully support Alida in the decision that she has made because I know
that it’s the right thing for her.
Alida’s decision on Early
Termination (ET) was a harsh blow to my fellow PCVs and myself for multiple
reasons. Therefore, this blog entry is dedicated to my girl Alida and what went
on in the week of the entire process and what not.
Okay, well Alida told me that she
was going to ET on Wednesday the 16th of May and from that daytime
slowed down until the day that I dropped her off at the bus park. On Wednesday
I was at her house doing the usual, playing bad mitten, drinking tea and what
not but after she told me that she was going to ET, the idea of her not being
my site mate any longer didn’t sink it quite yet.
Thursday was a mess because we
didn’t get a chance to see each other because of the crazy rain that was
falling. Very inconvenient.
We spent Friday morning together at
our garden and then we came up to my house so I could give her all of the
photos and videos that I made for her to take back to the states. It was so
strange because that afternoon, everything felt so bazar. It felt like any
other day when Alida would come to my house and we would watch a movie and have
a snack, but at the same time there was something different in the atmosphere.
The thought of closure was not sinking in, even though I knew that Alida’s
clock was ticking down. In addition, we were left hanging because we were
waiting for Peace Corps to contact us (well Alida) on what is going to happen
because by Friday morning, Alida had already told our country director. By that
afternoon we had planed on what to do, on how to tell her host mother and the
other PCVs but we couldn’t move on without getting the concrete information
from Peace Crops. After a long and anxious afternoon, we finally got the go
from Peace Corps and then things got messy.
In my opinion, the hardest part of
this whole process was breaking the news to Alida’s host mom. After we got the
go from Peace Corps I went with Alida to her house so we could tell her host
mom. It’s crazy because Alida and I were going back and forth on what we were
going to tell her mom because we knew very well that this was going to hit her
very hard. Alida’s mom loves her to death and that Friday morning she had no
idea what was going to happen. We finally came to the conclusion that we were
going to tell her that Alida’s real mom got sick and seeing how she is the only
child, she has to go back to the states and take care of her. We couldn’t tell
her the truth because that would have made it even worse. The moment of truth
came and we got to her house and Alida’s mom could tell that there was
something wrong because of our facial expressions. However, the minute I saw
her I started tearing up because when she first saw us she said her usual
“HI!!!” with her big smile and giggly self. As Alida went up to her and sat
next to her, she dropped the bomb! It seemed like Alida’s mom froze for a
minute or two, she was starting at Alida and looking at her with deep
curiosity. I thought that she initially took it very well as she was asking
questions about the health of Alida’s real mom and what Peace Corps said and
what not. But after Alida told her that she had to be in Kathmandu by Monday,
to quote Alida let’s say that sh*t just hit the fan. I was standing on the side
pretending to play with a leaf while I was trying my hardest to keep my tears
inside but it didn’t help that I could feel the mood quickly shift from worried
to deep sadness. After a few seconds and after Alida told her mom that she had
to leave Sunday morning, Alida’s mom got up, ran to the kitchen and started
crying!
I didn’t know what to do! Alida and
I were starting at each other so she decided to let our PCVs know the news and
I went into the kitchen to check on her mom. Now, the second that I saw Alida’s
mom leaning on the wall and wiping her uncontrollable tears from her face, it
finally sank in. I too was losing Alida, my Luna! I sat with her mom and I
couldn’t hold the tears anymore. It hit me really hard, I was thinking about
what life would be in Paradise Bowl without Alida and I didn’t like it so I
cried, I cried like a baby. Alida’s mom and I were chatting with broken voices
and puffed eyes and we couldn’t make sense because every time we made eye
contact we just started crying even more. She made tea and we drank it still
crying. At this moment Alida’s little host brother joined us and he too made a
river of tears. On a different hand, Alida’ host sister also joined us, but she
didn’t cried, she only laughed at us three for crying (she’s really sweet
though). Another blow was when Babani Didi (Alida’s host mom’s name) told me
that I wouldn’t come to visit her anymore because Alida wasn’t there anymore and
that really hit me hard. It hurt just to know that she would think that I
wouldn’t want to come anymore, but I know she said that due to the moment.
Alida, came into the kitchen and sat with us. Every time I saw her I cried even
more and so did Babani Didi and little Buban. Alida is the type of person where
her emotions get to her later in the game, thus she didn’t cry with us lol. We
drank tea together and sat looking at each other over and over. It was pretty
dramatic but hella sad as well!
It was around 6:30pm and I finally
took off because it was getting dark, I said goodbye and left quietly while I
left Alida and her mom in the kitchen. As I was walking up my hill, I was wiping
the tears that were still falling down my face. I got home and quickly went into
my room. I couldn’t let my host family see me like this. I finally got a grip
of myself and went outside to tell my family that Alida was going back to the
states. I told them and they were shocked. I swear I tried to be strong but
just talking about Alida leaving made me cry again. I started crying in front
of my dearest host mother. She was thrown off because she has never seen me
cry. She was getting really sad as well and started to cry too. She was telling
me to not worry and that she will be there for me so I won’t be alone. I really
appreciated her words because they really meant a lot. I finally got a hold of
myself and I told her that I was going to call a couple of friends so I called
my good friend Voranon (Vovo).
I thought this was going to help,
but OH GOD, I just cried even more while talking to Vovo on the phone. I was
being such a baby to her, but I thank her so much because she was there to
listen to me sob hysterically. Also, my host mom came again and she was really
crying too and she said that she wouldn’t leave until I got a hold of myself,
so she stayed with me as I talked to Vovo. After hanging up with Vovo I called
my friend Nick and again I cried like a crazy man, but my mom was still there.
After a while, I couldn’t cry anymore and it was time to eat so I finally went
inside the house, my host mom right next to me. In short, Friday was such a
HAM!
To speed things up, on Saturday I
went to Alida’s house to help her pack, but I mostly saw her pack and I spent
the night. Babani Didi was the same, she was still a mess, but I finally had a
grip on myself and didn’t cry again. I think that the feeling when reality
finally sinks in hit me hard on Friday and now it was a matter of time.
Sunday morning was the final day
that Alida would be in Paradise Bowl, as we took off early in the morning to
catch our jeep. Alida said her last goodbye to her mom and we got onto the jeep
and off we went to Baglung Bazar. The final goodbye with her host mother wasn’t
as dramatic as it was when we first told her on Friday, but it was still hard.
We made it to Baglung Bazar around
11am and there we met up with Nick, Voranan, Ethan and Amanda for a quick
lunch. Before I continue, let me say that Alida told all the PCVs that she
would be in Pokhara (PKR) on Sunday night and that she would love to see
everyone one last time and that she would buy us all dinner! However, the group
in Baglung wasn’t able to make it to PKR so they came to bazar instead. It was
so odd because we were hanging out like nothing big was happening. We were
having a good time, eating and laughing, but at the same time we all knew what
was going on. We said goodbye to the group, grabbed an ice cream cone and
jumped onto our next jeep heading off to PKR.
Once in PKR, time really sped up.
We got there around 4ish and we met up with another ten PCVs where we agreed to
have dinner at 6:30pm because Alida was going to go on her daily run seeing how
she didn’t go in the morning. I had an hour and a half which was perfect
because I went out to get her the present that I was planning on getting her from
the minute she told me she was going to ET. I printed out a bunch of pictures
since the very beginning back in September 2012 and made her a photo album of
our memories. I titled the album “An Eight Month Dream” seeing how most of the
time we thought we were in a dream. After she got back from her run, we took
off to Chilly’s and had a great dinner. It was perfect because it was happy
hour (buy one get on free) and we all got our very own special, so we all got
two drinks, some got four. The rest of the night was a HAM. Alida got two huge
bottles of Jose Cuervo, we all took some shots, went to our usual Busy Bee and
danced the night away just for Alida.
It was Monday morning, the final
goodbye for me at lease. We woke up at 6am because Alida had to be at the bus
stop in an hour therefore down at the parking lot everyone met up for the last
bye bye. Before Alida got on the taxi, everyone “tikka-ed” her as a Nepali
tradition. Tia tagged along for the taxi ride to the bus stop and off we went.
At the bus stop we saw the fancy bus that Alida was taking and we waited until
the very end. We wanted to prolong this goodbye as much as possible! I gave
Alida one last hug and saw her get on the bus then engines roared and in one
sharp turn into the streets, Alida was gone.
In short, let me just give Alida a
HUGE shout out and to say that I love her so much! Our time in Paradise Bowl
has been wonderful where many memories will live on forever. I am by far
thankful for the fact that our paths crossed here in Nepal and now I have an
excuse to head out to Boston so we can meet up once again. I know she’s doing
the right thing for herself even though it hurts like crazy. I’m all by myself
in Paradise Bowl and it doesn’t help to be one of the furthest volunteer form
everyone else. It’s already very odd to walk around site knowing that Alida
isn’t here anymore. During my tough moments, it always comforted me to know
that down the hill Alida was there, but now she’s not so I have to be strong!
At this point, almost nine months have gone by and I have another 18 more to
go, thus I’m going to have to learn how to be a single volunteer now. This is
very sad, yet I bet there is much opportunity to grow from this. I experienced
the life of a volunteer who had a site mate and now it’s time to see how it is
to be alone. I do admit that I’m a bit intimidated of being all by myself and I
know that it’s going to be tougher than ever. Thankfully, I know that I have a
great group of PCVs who I can reach out to whenever I’m feeling blue, but I
also know that I have everyone else in the states so please don’t forget me.
It’s so surreal right about now, but I’m sure reality is going to kick in real
soon….
With much love,
Marvin Gamez-Crespin
p.s I have a show on Facebook named HAMing it w/ Kamal so if were friends check it out and if not add me lol : >
