It’s Goodbye for Now Alida…

As you all know, I was placed with Alida to share the next two years of my Peace Corps life in Harichaur, Balglung. Even though we were placed in different villages, we essentially acted as a team. Unfortunately, our adventure in Nepal has come to an end due to the fact that Alida has decided to return to the states. Before anything, I would like to say that I fully support Alida in the decision that she has made because I know that it’s the right thing for her.

Alida’s decision on Early Termination (ET) was a harsh blow to my fellow PCVs and myself for multiple reasons. Therefore, this blog entry is dedicated to my girl Alida and what went on in the week of the entire process and what not.

Okay, well Alida told me that she was going to ET on Wednesday the 16^th of May and from that daytime slowed down until the day that I dropped her off at the bus park. On Wednesday I was at her house doing the usual, playing bad mitten, drinking tea and what not but after she told me that she was going to ET, the idea of her not being my site mate any longer didn’t sink it quite yet. 

Thursday was a mess because we didn’t get a chance to see each other because of the crazy rain that was falling. Very inconvenient.

We spent Friday morning together at our garden and then we came up to my house so I could give her all of the photos and videos that I made for her to take back to the states. It was so strange because that afternoon, everything felt so bazar. It felt like any other day when Alida would come to my house and we would watch a movie and have a snack, but at the same time there was something different in the atmosphere. The thought of closure was not sinking in, even though I knew that Alida’s clock was ticking down. In addition, we were left hanging because we were waiting for Peace Corps to contact us (well Alida) on what is going to happen because by Friday morning, Alida had already told our country director. By that afternoon we had planed on what to do, on how to tell her host mother and the other PCVs but we couldn’t move on without getting the concrete information from Peace Crops. After a long and anxious afternoon, we finally got the go from Peace Corps and then things got messy.

In my opinion, the hardest part of this whole process was breaking the news to Alida’s host mom. After we got the go from Peace Corps I went with Alida to her house so we could tell her host mom. It’s crazy because Alida and I were going back and forth on what we were going to tell her mom because we knew very well that this was going to hit her very hard. Alida’s mom loves her to death and that Friday morning she had no idea what was going to happen. We finally came to the conclusion that we were going to tell her that Alida’s real mom got sick and seeing how she is the only child, she has to go back to the states and take care of her. We couldn’t tell her the truth because that would have made it even worse. The moment of truth came and we got to her house and Alida’s mom could tell that there was something wrong because of our facial expressions. However, the minute I saw her I started tearing up because when she first saw us she said her usual “HI!!!” with her big smile and giggly self. As Alida went up to her and sat next to her, she dropped the bomb! It seemed like Alida’s mom froze for a minute or two, she was starting at Alida and looking at her with deep curiosity. I thought that she initially took it very well as she was asking questions about the health of Alida’s real mom and what Peace Corps said and what not. But after Alida told her that she had to be in Kathmandu by Monday, to quote Alida let’s say that sh*t just hit the fan. I was standing on the side pretending to play with a leaf while I was trying my hardest to keep my tears inside but it didn’t help that I could feel the mood quickly shift from worried to deep sadness. After a few seconds and after Alida told her mom that she had to leave Sunday morning, Alida’s mom got up, ran to the kitchen and started crying!

I didn’t know what to do! Alida and I were starting at each other so she decided to let our PCVs know the news and I went into the kitchen to check on her mom. Now, the second that I saw Alida’s mom leaning on the wall and wiping her uncontrollable tears from her face, it finally sank in. I too was losing Alida, my Luna! I sat with her mom and I couldn’t hold the tears anymore. It hit me really hard, I was thinking about what life would be in Paradise Bowl without Alida and I didn’t like it so I cried, I cried like a baby. Alida’s mom and I were chatting with broken voices and puffed eyes and we couldn’t make sense because every time we made eye contact we just started crying even more. She made tea and we drank it still crying. At this moment Alida’s little host brother joined us and he too made a river of tears. On a different hand, Alida’ host sister also joined us, but she didn’t cried, she only laughed at us three for crying (she’s really sweet though). Another blow was when Babani Didi (Alida’s host mom’s name) told me that I wouldn’t come to visit her anymore because Alida wasn’t there anymore and that really hit me hard. It hurt just to know that she would think that I wouldn’t want to come anymore, but I know she said that due to the moment. Alida, came into the kitchen and sat with us. Every time I saw her I cried even more and so did Babani Didi and little Buban. Alida is the type of person where her emotions get to her later in the game, thus she didn’t cry with us lol. We drank tea together and sat looking at each other over and over. It was pretty dramatic but hella sad as well!

It was around 6:30pm and I finally took off because it was getting dark, I said goodbye and left quietly while I left Alida and her mom in the kitchen. As I was walking up my hill, I was wiping the tears that were still falling down my face. I got home and quickly went into my room. I couldn’t let my host family see me like this. I finally got a grip of myself and went outside to tell my family that Alida was going back to the states. I told them and they were shocked. I swear I tried to be strong but just talking about Alida leaving made me cry again. I started crying in front of my dearest host mother. She was thrown off because she has never seen me cry. She was getting really sad as well and started to cry too. She was telling me to not worry and that she will be there for me so I won’t be alone. I really appreciated her words because they really meant a lot. I finally got a hold of myself and I told her that I was going to call a couple of friends so I called my good friend Voranon (Vovo).

I thought this was going to help, but OH GOD, I just cried even more while talking to Vovo on the phone. I was being such a baby to her, but I thank her so much because she was there to listen to me sob hysterically. Also, my host mom came again and she was really crying too and she said that she wouldn’t leave until I got a hold of myself, so she stayed with me as I talked to Vovo. After hanging up with Vovo I called my friend Nick and again I cried like a crazy man, but my mom was still there. After a while, I couldn’t cry anymore and it was time to eat so I finally went inside the house, my host mom right next to me. In short, Friday was such a HAM!

To speed things up, on Saturday I went to Alida’s house to help her pack, but I mostly saw her pack and I spent the night. Babani Didi was the same, she was still a mess, but I finally had a grip on myself and didn’t cry again. I think that the feeling when reality finally sinks in hit me hard on Friday and now it was a matter of time.

Sunday morning was the final day that Alida would be in Paradise Bowl, as we took off early in the morning to catch our jeep. Alida said her last goodbye to her mom and we got onto the jeep and off we went to Baglung Bazar. The final goodbye with her host mother wasn’t as dramatic as it was when we first told her on Friday, but it was still hard.

We made it to Baglung Bazar around 11am and there we met up with Nick, Voranan, Ethan and Amanda for a quick lunch. Before I continue, let me say that Alida told all the PCVs that she would be in Pokhara (PKR) on Sunday night and that she would love to see everyone one last time and that she would buy us all dinner! However, the group in Baglung wasn’t able to make it to PKR so they came to bazar instead. It was so odd because we were hanging out like nothing big was happening. We were having a good time, eating and laughing, but at the same time we all knew what was going on. We said goodbye to the group, grabbed an ice cream cone and jumped onto our next jeep heading off to PKR.

Once in PKR, time really sped up. We got there around 4ish and we met up with another ten PCVs where we agreed to have dinner at 6:30pm because Alida was going to go on her daily run seeing how she didn’t go in the morning. I had an hour and a half which was perfect because I went out to get her the present that I was planning on getting her from the minute she told me she was going to ET. I printed out a bunch of pictures since the very beginning back in September 2012 and made her a photo album of our memories. I titled the album “An Eight Month Dream” seeing how most of the time we thought we were in a dream. After she got back from her run, we took off to Chilly’s and had a great dinner. It was perfect because it was happy hour (buy one get on free) and we all got our very own special, so we all got two drinks, some got four. The rest of the night was a HAM. Alida got two huge bottles of Jose Cuervo, we all took some shots, went to our usual Busy Bee and danced the night away just for Alida.

It was Monday morning, the final goodbye for me at lease. We woke up at 6am because Alida had to be at the bus stop in an hour therefore down at the parking lot everyone met up for the last bye bye. Before Alida got on the taxi, everyone “tikka-ed” her as a Nepali tradition. Tia tagged along for the taxi ride to the bus stop and off we went. At the bus stop we saw the fancy bus that Alida was taking and we waited until the very end. We wanted to prolong this goodbye as much as possible! I gave Alida one last hug and saw her get on the bus then engines roared and in one sharp turn into the streets, Alida was gone.

In short, let me just give Alida a HUGE shout out and to say that I love her so much! Our time in Paradise Bowl has been wonderful where many memories will live on forever. I am by far thankful for the fact that our paths crossed here in Nepal and now I have an excuse to head out to Boston so we can meet up once again. I know she’s doing the right thing for herself even though it hurts like crazy. I’m all by myself in Paradise Bowl and it doesn’t help to be one of the furthest volunteer form everyone else. It’s already very odd to walk around site knowing that Alida isn’t here anymore. During my tough moments, it always comforted me to know that down the hill Alida was there, but now she’s not so I have to be strong! At this point, almost nine months have gone by and I have another 18 more to go, thus I’m going to have to learn how to be a single volunteer now. This is very sad, yet I bet there is much opportunity to grow from this. I experienced the life of a volunteer who had a site mate and now it’s time to see how it is to be alone. I do admit that I’m a bit intimidated of being all by myself and I know that it’s going to be tougher than ever. Thankfully, I know that I have a great group of PCVs who I can reach out to whenever I’m feeling blue, but I also know that I have everyone else in the states so please don’t forget me. It’s so surreal right about now, but I’m sure reality is going to kick in real soon….

With much love,

Marvin Gamez-Crespin

p.s I have a show on Facebook named HAMing it w/ Kamal so if were friends check it out and if not add me lol : >